Ok ....so i have been keeping good on my promise to write a daily journal...it's just that I don't think it'd be very interesting or even a good read..that is if anybody else is actually reading these things.....because in fact my day to day routine is just that...a routine....nothing exciting..nothing to brag about...lol I'm actually a very low key person.....
One new thing would be my hair cut..which i just got cut on Saturday.....its at my shoulders now..or above my shoulders..it's still going to be some getting used to...i feel like Amelie..lol...although it wouldn't be such a problem if i looked like her..and no my hair isn't that extreme...but in my mind..which tends to distort my body image...in my mind i look like...a damn toad stool....
So in the morning my hair looks quite good...because its fresh and I've just done it..and everything is in its place...but.....about mid day i become somewhat disheveled.....I've never been one of those people who manage to look good throughout the entire day..somewhere between breakfast and lunch, somebody beats my ass with an ugly stick...so by the time i get home...my hair is looking like a mangy mutt...my clothes are sloppy...my make up somehow disappears...pretty much i look like a domestic violence victim...how do some people manage to stay looking good the entire day??? I'll never understand that.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
journal extrordinare
Intro...today was my first counseling experience..she ( the counselor) asked if i would keep a journal everyday...so here is my first entry...
10/17/07
Today was my first visit with the counselor. I was a little nervous and unsure of what to expect. I guess it was more of an introductory, I gave a little background info about myself. Why i was there..family history. No i wasnt abused, no i dont drink often, no to suicidal/homicidal thoughts. Mostly no's to a lot of things.
I felt somewhat comfortable, yet a little awkward, I kinda wish the room were dimmer, i felt like my awkwardness was showing because I kept playing with my ear, and scratching invisable itches..just to keep myself doing someting, anything rather than sit in such a bright room telling things about myself to a stranger.
I feel like a fraud, because I dont have some extraordinary tragedy to talk about.. Yes I have a good relationship with my family, yes both parents are still alive, nobody is terminally ill. I cant help but think that she must be saying to herself. "why is this kid here?".
I'm trying to be open minded, I did open up to her about my trouble (opening up). She suggested this journal, she asked that I wright in it everyday, and sign and date it at the end of each entry. She said to be completely myself in it, not to feel like i have to edit myself for her. I dont even have to share it with her if i dont want to.
Im having trouble being uncensored, Im writing in semi neat cursive just in case..If this were my actual journal it would barely be legibal to anyone but me. I even had trouble finding just the right journal..I found this old one with stupid stickers of Ricki Martin, and Kid Rock..So i spent awhile searching for more stupid stickers to cover up the already stupid stickers! I know i sound cynical about this whole thing but really it did feel good to actually have somebody listen and try and come up with way's to help me out..I guess thats all for my first entry..I can't wait to come back years from now and read how stupid im being.
A.T.
10/17/07
Today was my first visit with the counselor. I was a little nervous and unsure of what to expect. I guess it was more of an introductory, I gave a little background info about myself. Why i was there..family history. No i wasnt abused, no i dont drink often, no to suicidal/homicidal thoughts. Mostly no's to a lot of things.
I felt somewhat comfortable, yet a little awkward, I kinda wish the room were dimmer, i felt like my awkwardness was showing because I kept playing with my ear, and scratching invisable itches..just to keep myself doing someting, anything rather than sit in such a bright room telling things about myself to a stranger.
I feel like a fraud, because I dont have some extraordinary tragedy to talk about.. Yes I have a good relationship with my family, yes both parents are still alive, nobody is terminally ill. I cant help but think that she must be saying to herself. "why is this kid here?".
I'm trying to be open minded, I did open up to her about my trouble (opening up). She suggested this journal, she asked that I wright in it everyday, and sign and date it at the end of each entry. She said to be completely myself in it, not to feel like i have to edit myself for her. I dont even have to share it with her if i dont want to.
Im having trouble being uncensored, Im writing in semi neat cursive just in case..If this were my actual journal it would barely be legibal to anyone but me. I even had trouble finding just the right journal..I found this old one with stupid stickers of Ricki Martin, and Kid Rock..So i spent awhile searching for more stupid stickers to cover up the already stupid stickers! I know i sound cynical about this whole thing but really it did feel good to actually have somebody listen and try and come up with way's to help me out..I guess thats all for my first entry..I can't wait to come back years from now and read how stupid im being.
A.T.
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